I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
