i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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