That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
