Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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