The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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