So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
