so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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