tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize