I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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