Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
