one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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