I've blown a few things in my day
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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