this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it glows. i had to have it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
