I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
