Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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