She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
