Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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