I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
