I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
