i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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