i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
