I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
