His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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