I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize