Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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