The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
