I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize