the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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