What a fucking waste of an outfit
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
