I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
