Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
