oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
