Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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