No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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