it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
