Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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