A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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