I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
