I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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