So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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