she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
