My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
