Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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