i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
