By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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