Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
