i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
