If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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