i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
