I feel great
I just peed on a car
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i dont even know how to be here
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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