ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
