just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
