every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
