he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
