i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
