so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
