I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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