I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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