Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
