Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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