he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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