remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I intend to get homeless drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
