doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
