there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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