cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
