my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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