Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
