she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
