Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
