I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
