Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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